What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
