So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
