And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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