i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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