I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we're making bets on your personal life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
