his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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