Are we in a gay sports bar?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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