dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
