the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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