home. puking in laundry basket.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
