Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
