Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
