I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so let's talk penis.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
