I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
