She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
