i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize