Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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