It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
