Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
