Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize