im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
