im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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