great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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