I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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