Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize