Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
