Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
