I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
