dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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