I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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