You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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