It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
