Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
