When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
