He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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