I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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