Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
