Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
