Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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