Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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