My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
