Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
