I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
