ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
