Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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