Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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