He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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