SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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