I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
