You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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