Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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