oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So squirting runs in the family.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
