I think I died a long time ago.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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