watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
