She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
