Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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