I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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