My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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