This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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