woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
