What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize