fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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