i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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