I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
