I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
