Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
