Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
