he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
