That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
