Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
