My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
