doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
