dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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