I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me