R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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