what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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