I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home