Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.