I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.