you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
